I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
