In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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