I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
