She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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