All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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