Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
