I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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