Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
