I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
