I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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