Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
