I got chris browned last night
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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