"it" just moved
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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