you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
