you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
