You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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