apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
