...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
