things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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