don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
