Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
