I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
