i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
