ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
