And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i out mim tonsoeep
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
