At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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