Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
