I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
