Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
