help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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