CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
