That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
