as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
