your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
