It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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