She said her name was "party"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
