I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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