I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
