totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
