Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
