I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she told me i tasted like america
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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