Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
