Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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