Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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