I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is the high leading the old right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
