I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A+ Viking dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
