TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
