dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
