I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
