she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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