Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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