New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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